The charm and flattery of narcissistic personalities are enticing. But if you’re in tune with your inner voice you’ll get a hunch that something’s not quite right with them. Trusting your gut and recognizing red flags can save you from a world of grief down the track.
This article is about the covert type, with a personality disorder. Narcissists in this light are self-focused. Everything they do is about them, although it may be hidden at first, hence the term, covert.
When the mask falls, you’ll find the constant need to manage their expectations will drain you. It may lead to you being isolated from your friends and family and have you feeling as if you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
You may end up needing to mend from narcissistic abuse.
How intuition helps identify toxic patterns
Your intuition may pick up red flags when first dealing with a narcissist, for example, when they…
- Come on too strong too early in a relationship
- Mirror you
- Need your constant admiration and attention
- Send you constant messages, videos, and text
- Want to know everything you are doing, who you are with
- Display a sense of entitlement to special treatment
- Belittle you or someone else in front of others
- Play the victim for your sympathy and to manipulate you
- Become defensive or hostile when faced with criticism or challenged
- Tell stories that don’t add up
- Constantly post their life on social media for attention, embellishing the ‘truth’
- Make you feel like you’re the special one who will fix them and not let them down like all the others
- Suggesting having children and a life ever after with you very early
If your intuition is working: You might experience a twang in the gut, a sense of unease or discomfort, a feeling that something is off or not quite right, a sense of suspicion or skepticism, or a feeling that the person is misleading you.
It’s important to remember that gut feelings alone are not always reliable indicators of deception. Read my article Is Your Gut Always Right in Relationships?
- Overall, if your intuition tells you about someone; that something is off, it’s important to exercise caution and protect yourself from a potentially destructive relationship.
intuition as a tool to protect you from narcissists
Intuition can be a powerful tool when it comes to protecting yourself from narcissists. Here are some ways you can use your intuition:
- Trust your gut feelings. If something doesn’t feel right about a person or situation, listen to your inner voice. Take notes – It’s a good idea to keep a journal of interactions.
- Pay attention to red flags. Narcissists often change their narratives and can create elaborate stories. If you notice these traits, be cautious. They lack empathy and consideration for others, display no introspection, and may manipulate and exploit you and others for their own gain. But you may not see any of this because of the facade they project to mask their traits.
- Take your time to get to know the person. Narcissists often rush into relationships and try to sweep you off your feet. Don’t be pressured into anything more serious.
- Look for consistency. Narcissists can be charming and charismatic, but their behavior is often inconsistent. Pay attention to how they treat you over time.
- Seek support from trusted friends, independent of this new person, about your concerns. They can provide an outside perspective and help you stay grounded. Never isolate yourself from your tribe or family. It’s a trait of the narcissist to try to alienate you from them. Also, it’s a good idea to not confide in or seek support from friends of the narcissist, as they are often misled by the narcissist.
An important thing I will tell you from experience is to keep a diary or journal and take notes. This may save you heartache and protect you from any false-allegation backlash and cruel lies later on.
Strategies for communicating with a narcissist
When communicating with a narcissist, it is important to keep in mind that the empathy they portray can be false and that they have a tendency to manipulate situations to benefit themselves.
Here are some strategies that you can use, while also relying on your intuition:
- Stay calm and in control of your emotions.
- Use “I” statements instead of blaming or accusing language.
- Stick to the boundaries you’ve set.
- Avoid getting into power struggles.
- Redirect the conversation to a neutral topic.
- Use positive reinforcement when the narcissist exhibits positive behavior.
- Recognize when it’s time to disengage and limit your interactions with the narcissist.
- Never tell them you are suspicious of them or about your gut feelings. Never challenge them. They will never admit it and will turn the blame onto you. Keep your reservations to yourself.
If you become a target of a narcissist, you need to go ‘no contact’ as those well-experienced will tell you. This means a complete blackout of communication with them.
If you can’t do this, because of family reasons, go “gray rock”: Become emotionally unresponsive and boring.
What you do is give short, unemotional responses and avoid sharing personal information or engaging in arguments with the narcissist.
What you are doing is removing ammunition and starving them of the attention they crave so much. They will look elsewhere for their supply after a few unsuccessful attempts.
How to protect your Intuitive Mind when dealing with a narcissist
It is important to prioritize self-care, such as getting enough sleep, exercise, and social support. Zone out. Take opportunities to experience the Alpha State of Mind.
It’s not your responsibility to fix or change the narcissist – they won’t change as they don’t do introspection, so don’t see their wrongs. I speak from lived experience and will write more on this in future articles.
Focus on your own well-being.
Educate yourself: Learn more about narcissism and the impacts it has on relationships to better understand and cope.
Be mindful of your intuition. Continue to develop it and live intuitively.
